Sunday, March 7, 2021
Today, if I can open myself to the premise that AA is about living sober and not about not getting drunk, I may begin to learn if my emotional and spiritual disease stems from my alcoholism or if alcohol contributed to it. If my life was a Broadway play, it would have three acts: Act 1, Before Alcohol; Act 2, The Drinking Days; and, Act 3, The Morning After. In my case, I used alcohol from literally my first drink as a SOLUTION to certain realities - or my perception of them, at least - and, from my first to my last drunk, drinking was my way to go to oblivion, that dark and safe place which is beyond reality, pain, agony and responsibilities. Alcohol for me was self-medication. That self-awareness - maybe a spiritual awakening - indicates my alcoholism was cemented in my reaction and response to the realities of my life even before my first drink. And the value of that knowledge is that my Program must be built on living sober, not on fighting a temptation to drink. Today, I may have figured out that my Program has to be about learning how to live sober, not how not to drink. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M., 2021
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