Sunday, Feb. 19, 2012
Just for today, I begin the process of reconciling my emotional, spiritual and mental defects to the Program if I am not either willing or able yet to hand them off to my Higher Power. Reconciliation, needed for me to see that I must let go of what holds me back, requires that I understand recovery is more than not drinking and requires a fundamental change in my entire character - and abstinence alone, were it that easy, cannot achieve that change. It requires a brutally honest Fourth to find my defects and the 10th to understand why and how they impede what I could be in the Program - but am not yet. In reconciling myself to my defects character, I may finally be able to say they have not useful purpose in where I hope to go in my recovery, that they harbor a hidden spark to ignite the fire of a slip or relapse and, more important, that I am not just willing to release them to my Higher Power but want to be done with them once and for all. If the defect I found in the Fourth remains in my 10th and I know it is time to let it go, today, I seek from my Higher Power the courage to change what I can - myself. And our common journey continues. Just for today. - Chris M., 2012
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