Friday, Aug. 10, 2018
"I did not know that I had no power over alcohol, that I, alone and unaided, could not stop; that I was on a downgrade, tearing along at full speed with all my brakes gone, and that the end would be a total smash-up, death or insanity. I had already feared insanity for a long time ...I was not just drunk, I was crazy." - Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, "They Stopped in Time," Ch. 13 ("Stars Don't Fall"), p 408.
Today, let me not forget that drinking propelled me not into mere drunkenness but into a blackened fog that defies any definition of responsible conduct. As such, my recovery hinges not only on total abstinence but also on spiritual and emotional repair of the dysfunctional thought and behavioral patterns that were either acquired by my drinking or worsened by it. And, even if I tell myself I am still unconvinced of a higher power, let me thank whatever force pulled me back from the "crazy" to find this program and let me not claim "credit" for finding it alone. Likewise, just as I did not come into the program on my own strength, let me accept that not drinking also cannot depend on my own strength. May I cling to whatever it was that rescued me so that I can progress in the program and in sobriety. Today, let me remember that I am doomed to repeat my past if I don't learn from it, and the most important lesson that I have is to continue trusting whatever force salvaged me from "crazy." And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M., 2018
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