Wednesday, July 18, 2018
" ...I felt a fear coming into my life, and I couldn't cope with it. I got so that I hid quite a bit of the time, wouldn't answer the phone, and stayed by myself as much as I could. I noticed that I was avoiding all my social friends ...I couldn't keep up with any of my other friends, and I wouldn't go to anyone's house unless I knew they drank as heavily as I did. I never knew it was the first drink that did it. I thought I was losing my mind when I realized that I couldn't stop drinking. That frightened me terribly." - Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, Part II ("Personal Stories)", Ch 2 ("Fear of Fear"), p 324.
Today, I do not have to fear the first drink that unleashes in its wake all its devastation because, today, AA has freed me from fear and all its siblings and cousins. I can claim with honesty that I have fully bowed to Step One - " ...(A)dmitted (I am) powerless ..." - and take as gospel the program's credos like "One Day at a Time," "First Things First," "Keep It Sweet and Simple" and "There for the grace of God go I." I am in recovery, I am sober and I don't need or want the first drink. Without it, I don't have to avoid friends, family or anyone else, and I don't have to be afraid to answer the phone because of some paranoid fear that it's news that I did something last night that I don't remember. Today, I am humble and loyal to the program. With it, fear is knocked out of the ballpark. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M., 2018
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