Thursday, June 26, 2014
"More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it." - Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, Ch 6 ("Into Action"), p 73.
Today, if I am poised to take the Fifth Step of talking to another person about "the exact nature of (my) wrongs," may I be given the strength and courage to be honest with perhaps my toughest prospect: myself. Like Jekyll and Hyde, I displayed two personalities in my drinking days - the party animal or the isolated, depressed lonely drinker as I sipped my way into oblivion and, the morning after, the physically and emotionally broken person for everyone to see. I need to meld both characters into one to find the actual self on which to build recovery, and that effort will likely be nil if I am not honest with myself first before taking my Fifth to a chosen confidant. Honesty for me begins with myself; without it, my Fifth - and my Fourth, for that matter - is based on an illusion. In the end, so will my recovery be based on an illusion. Today, let me understand the wisdom that honesty, before it is given to anyone else, has to begin with me. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M., 2014
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